Back when Buffy ruled the not-quite-network airwaves, I posted episode reviews on my Diaryland. That’s right — DIARYLAND. Shut up. Now I’m posting some of them here so you can see how much Teenage Me 1) loved Oz and 2) hated Buffy’s fashion “sense.”

I think we’re ready to move to season 4 and…these will probably be kind of out of order. Because…well, because I’m disorganized. Also: DISTRACTED.

But, um, anyway, here’s “Where the Wild Things Are,” aka the eppy that finally gave us a good look at Buffy’s O Face. Thanks?

“Where the Wild Things Are”

Basing episodes around supernaturally-motivated sex is always an iffy proposition. Anyone remember “Sub Rosa,” the Wuthering Heights-inspired ep of TNG? Lots of moaning, lots of otherworldly-light saturated shots, lots of that creepy guy stage-whispering “Be-vuh-LEEE!”

The supernaturally-motivated sex episode of Buffy is not quite so giggle-inspiring, but there are times when it takes on mid-’80s sitcom proportions. You know what I mean — whenever someone wants to leave the room for some inane reason (”Oops, Mallory and her new boyfriend probably want to be alone, eh, Alex?”), they don’t bother making up an excuse. Instead, they just start referring to “the thing.” As in, “We have to leave because I want to show you that…thing,” or “We have to go attend to that thing I was telling you about,” or some such nonsense.

Buff and Riley basically do the same thing here, only when they say “the thing,” they’re just leaving the room to Do It. And Do It. And Do It some more. Eventually, they Do It so much, that the camera pulls back to reveal they are Doing It on Riley’s bed, which is surrounded by black nothingness. Apparently, Stanley Kubrick resurrected himself to direct this episode.

Anyway, eventually it’s revealed that there are some restless spirits causing all sorts of sexual mayhem in the Initiative frat house. That’s fine and all, but it’s not really developed that well, and the main storyline isn’t nearly as interesting as all the little things going on off to the side. For example, there’s the priceless interplay between Spike and Anya (”You made me yell really high!”) — I always knew these two had a certain oddness in common.

Their interaction makes up a bit for the fact that the Xander/Anya stuff isn’t quite as central or touching as I had hoped. For my money, their best scene is still that little moment in “Hush,” wherein X-Man realizes she’s safe from Spike and scoops her up in his arms.

Also, I really like how Forrest is attempting to call attention to himself by wearing a bright orange turtleneck. I imagine that he is thinking that his days are numbered, what with the Initiative storyline coming to an end, and as he’s not the love interest of any major character, he must do something that will just scream, “Upgrade me to regular!” While I do not think this particular ploy will work, Forrest, I admire your initiative (heh, get it? Initiative?).

And of course, the big moment that guaranteed that this wasn’t an entire washout was Giles’ debut as a coffeehouse singer. He could give Backstreet Riley and the Boy Band Commandos a run for their money, orange turtlenecks and all.

Back when Buffy ruled the not-quite-network airwaves, I posted episode reviews on my Diaryland. That’s right — DIARYLAND. Shut up. Now I’m posting some of them here so you can see how much Teenage Me 1) loved Oz and 2) hated Buffy’s fashion “sense.”

“The Prom”…apparently, I really believed in sappiness back in the day. I think I’m coming back around to that viewpoint. MAYBE.

“The Prom”

Further proving my theory that any given episode is only as good as Buffy’s hairdo, this week’s outing is just one gorgeous head toss away from a really great shampoo commercial. That’s right, Buffy Buffs — it’s a good one, and naturally it comes just as the season is about to end.

So it’s time for the prom, and Buff’s jonesing for Angel to take her. But Angel is being his usual fun self and worrying about the future of their relationship, and how they’re from different worlds and blah blah blah. Get over it, already…oh, that’s right, you can’t, you have your own spin-off to go star in. Anyway, naturally, this involves the requisite Totally Obvious Dream Sequence (Buffy and Angel getting married) that the WB feels compelled to use in the preview — like we’re going to fall for that again. Buffy is oblivious to Angel’s indulgent musings, and is busily scribbling things like “Angel and Buffy 4-ever” (excuse me, shouldn’t that be “4-evah”?) in her notebook, so it’s quite a blow when the guy actually dumps her.

Now, here’s where the good stuff starts to come in. Buffy is none the better than when she gets all teary and wounded — we get to see her human side, even though we know she’s bound to bounce back with a vengeance. When Angel begins to spew cliches at her (”I’m trying to think with my head instead of my heart”), her eyes get all big and expressive and sad and she looks like a little doe. A doe in a lavender angora sweater.

Of course, then our girl is on to doing that other thing she does so well — the firm resolve thing. Some hellhounds are out to spoil the prom, and she’s not gonna let ‘em. She saves the day and the prom and apprehends the hellhounds, who have been programmed to go crazy over prom-related stuff by a bitter dude who was rejected by his would-be date. Interestingly enough, these particular hellhounds look like they borrowed Oz’s werewolf costume and slapped on some Vulcan ears.

Anyway, along with the prom, there are many cute, cute, cute moments with our other friends. Xander is adorable, covering for Cordy and buying her a prom dress and showing her that he still cares. Oz and Willow look completely darling. And even the ultra-cheesy moment wherein Buffy gets an award for “protecting” the senior class is nice, though I’m puzzled as to why her “prize” is a hideous tinsel-encrusted parasol. Why not a shiny new crossbow or something?

Finally, this episode has a perfect, bittersweet ending. Just Buffy and Angel, dancing the night away and knowing that it can’t last and darned if I’m not making myself sick just writing about it.

Back when Buffy ruled the not-quite-network airwaves, I posted episode reviews on my Diaryland. That’s right — DIARYLAND. Shut up. Now I’m posting some of them here so you can see how much Teenage Me 1) loved Oz and 2) hated Buffy’s fashion “sense.”

Here’s “Choices,” ie The Review Where I Talk About Oz A Lot.

“Choices”

I was all set to give this episode a bum rating — it was kinda slow, it didn’t hang together all that well, and it didn’t seem to do much but advance the Ascension storyline a bit and foreshadow Angel and Cordy taking off for next season’s spin-off. But then three key moments managed to redeem it ever so slightly.

Moment #1: Oz knocks over a vase. Amidst everyone squabbling over the best way to rescue Willow, Oz gets up, sweeps the vase onto the floor (making for a nice crash), and turns his implacable gaze upon the rest of the gang. He says not a word. He doesn’t have to.

Moment #2: Oz expresses concern for Willow’s safety. Faith holds a knife to Willow’s throat. Angel cannot resist taunting Faith a bit, causing her to pull the knife closer. Firmly yet quietly, Oz steps forward and simply warns: “Angel…”

Moment #3: Oz is protective of Willow. The gang exchanges the big scary box for the hostage Willow. They throw the box to Faith, who, in turn, shoves Willow over to them. Oz steps protectively in front of her, shielding her from harm.

Oh, Oz…only your sweet, werewolf self could save what is otherwise a rather dull outing. The moments with Willow and Buffy girl bonding are also sweet, but other than that, all we’ve got is a big box of scary spiders and hints of what’s in store for the gang come next season. We still don’t know much about the Ascension, Faith is still doing her “I’m bad and I’m showing lots of cleavage, but maybe I have feelings” thing, and Buffy is still crimping her hair (stop it!).

But next week’s the prom, so we’re sure to get some good stuff. Until then, those three great moments of Oz-ness will tide me over.

Back when Buffy ruled the not-quite-network airwaves, I posted episode reviews on my Diaryland. That’s right — DIARYLAND. Shut up. Now I’m posting some of them here so you can see how much Teenage Me 1) loved Oz and 2) hated Buffy’s fashion “sense.”

Ah, “Earshot” — the famous lost episode. Postponed due to Columbine, it finally aired during the show’s summer hiatus.

“Earshot”

Here it is folks, the “lost episode” — aka Buffy pulls a Deanna Troi. Seems that a run-in with a pair of oozy demons leaves our poor girl with the ability to hear people’s thoughts. At first, this makes her all smug and self-important — she knows all about Xander’s obsession with sex, Willow’s insecurity, and Oz’s deep well of insight. Like anyone who watches this show wouldn’t be able to pick up on those things in a matter of seconds, but whatever.

What actually matters here is that Buffy goes on to use this device to fine effect. As our girl picks up on the latent fears and worries of everyone around her, we are given insight into the microcosm of society that is high school. Thoughts overheard range from the sad-but-typical (”I hate my body”) to the amusingly mundane (”Some day, my pants are gonna fall right off”). But then, Buffy hears something disturbingly different — a plan for mass murder, to take place at the school the following day. As she’s plunged further into insanity, her mind overwhelmed by the din of overheard voices, the rest of the gang works on ferreting out the killer.

Now, can I have a moment to point out why this show is so great? Yes, we all know that Buffy’s going to bust in and save the day, blah blah blah. And that provides for a wonderful and dandy twist at the end. However, equal weight is given to Buffy’s other dilemma — she’s worried that Angel might have enjoyed his pretend make-out sessions with Faith a little too much, and attempts to read his mind and find out. Ah, brilliant — for all their clever one-liners and double-speak, Buffy’s teens are painfully real.

Let’s not forget the one-liners entirely, though. This episode has them coming out of its ears. Check out Xander, offering a bit of insight into Oz: “For a minute there, I thought you were gonna make an expression.” Or what about Cordelia, in response to Xander’s reprimand. Xander: “You have no shame.” Cordy: “Oh please, like shame is something to be proud of.” Or Angel’s hilariously deadpan dig at all those naysayers who think he has no sense of humor: “I’m a funny guy.” Uh, yeah.

Finally, “Earshot” scores some extra bonus points for having the Buffster execute some major, superhuman gymnastics, the likes of which we have not seen since season one. Oh, I like this. I like it a lot. While “Earshot” will probably always be remembered most for being pulled at the last minute, hopefully we’ll also be able to view it as a great example of all the things this show does best — zippy dialogue, poignant moments, and important, socially relevant messages (i.e. — always beware of the lunch lady).

Back when Buffy ruled the not-quite-network airwaves, I posted episode reviews on my Diaryland. That’s right — DIARYLAND. Shut up. Now I’m posting some of them here so you can see how much Teenage Me 1) loved Oz and 2) hated Buffy’s fashion “sense.”

So, “Doppelgangland.” This one’s kinda interesting now that we have some…perspective, no? I also like how I called Emma Caulfield “90210 girl.” I was pretty awesome.

“Doppelgangland”

Oh, Willow, Willow…how I love your witty geekgirl ways, your kind demeanor, your ability to make a pencil spin in mid-air during senior lunch period. How great is it that this week’s “Buffy” lets us see you as both your sweet self and a leather-encased, bored diva badass?

Yes, folks, to the delight of fanfic writers everywhere, the evil vampire version of Willow (from the alter-world featured earlier this season) returns to wreak havoc on the Scooby Gang this week, thanks to the rantings of that demon girl played by former “90210″ chick Emma Caulfield. Of course this comes at a time when our Willow is feeling a bit put upon by everyone’s expectations — as she says, she’s “not just some doormat person.” No she’s not! So, alter-Willow and our Willow collide, lives are threatened, lives are saved, and Willow gains newfound respect from her peers (and an odd sort of bond with her grouchy double).

Oh, also there’s a few minutes of the continuing Faith Saga…can we please make her good again and be done with it? While there’s no doubt that she’d make a better bad guy than the rest of the people they’ve introduced this season (bonus: she looks kind of like a punky Katie Holmes), turning her evil only creates this weird “Faith just looks so different from Buffy…we knew she was bad!” thing that’s just wrong. And that just means that college professors everywhere will now be on the receiving end of dissertations on how the visual signifiers in adolescent-themed television programs reinforce the dominant paradigm of teenage conformity and who wants that? End it now.

But back to Willow. I must say that evil Willow is the best alter-character since “Deep Space Nine’s” Intendant Kira, and they seem to have many things in common — fondness for tight leather, red hair, narcissistic tendencies… Alyson does a fabulous job with her dual role, all wide-eyed and Willow-y one moment, bored and nasty the next.

This episode was written and directed by Joss, and there are excellent one-liners aplenty, such as when alter-Willow meets our Willow: “Well look at me. I’m all…fuzzy.” In fact, so good was this episode — a definite high point in an on and off season — that usually I’d give it five stars. Unfortunately, it has but one tragic flaw — where the hell is Oz? He should’ve figured prominently in this episode, but he ends up having less screen time than the “90210″ girl. In fact, he seems to have less screen time all around now that he’s become a regular. For shame.

Back when Buffy ruled the not-quite-network airwaves, I posted episode reviews on my Diaryland. That’s right — DIARYLAND. Shut up. Now I’m posting some of them here so you can see how much Teenage Me 1) loved Oz and 2) hated Buffy’s fashion “sense.”

This week: “Consequences.” I hated the Faith-Bad thing while it was happening, but now that I know the endgame? Pretty frakkin’ great. And yes, I like Wesley now, too. ALSO: I still own a bra strap headband.

“Consequences”

Gather ’round, friends — it’s time for another game of Loving It or Hating It, as applied to this week’s episode. Don’t they (the infamous, all-knowing “they” people) always say that good television provokes strong reactions? I don’t really remember, but I’m going to play my little game, regardless — you can either join in or sit in the corner by yourself and pout. It makes no difference.

Wesley, the New Watcher: Hating It! Does he suck or what? He fusses, he whines, he screws up the whole Faith rehabilitation thing. For an encore, he ogles Cordelia. “My, she is cheeky isn’t she?” (Insert image of me sticking finger down throat)

Willow’s Reaction to Faith: Loving It! In the sea of chaos, Willow is pragmatic, firm, and quietly wounded. Yet she’s still there to support Buff unconditionally when she finally breaks down, and her teary moment in the bathroom (after she learns that Xander and Faith slept together) is the episode’s single most heart-breaking moment.

Turning Faith Bad: Hating It…but torn. No one is a bigger Faith advocate than I, and it is extremely annoying that they’ve turned her into this season’s resident baddie. Sure, Trick wasn’t working out, and the Mayor doesn’t really have the cool cachet of Spike and Dru, but still. On the other hand, she at least provides a worthy adversary for our Slayer, and check out those leather pants.

Buffy’s Bra Strap Headband: Loving It in a major way! Very simple and hip, and the little bauble attached at the side is nice.

Angel the Lurker: Mostly just Annoyed by It. The guy gets his own spin-off, and all of a sudden we’re back to his season one antics — lurking in the shadows, spouting very few lines, and wearing lots of black trenchcoats. He redeems himself by saving Xander, but enough already.

Buffy’s Devotion to Faith: Loving It, almost to the point of being moved. Buffy’s need to save her friend is sweet and touching, and it’s nice to see her channeling that fierce determination to a cause separate from the usual business of slayage. Of course, we know she’s gonna get suckered eventually.

Well, what do you know? It’s a fairly even split between the good and the bad. Of course, all of that could change next week — especially if Buffy takes to crimping her hair again.

Back when Buffy ruled the not-quite-network airwaves, I posted episode reviews on my Diaryland. That’s right — DIARYLAND. Shut up. Now I’m posting some of them here so you can see how much Teenage Me 1) loved Oz and 2) hated Buffy’s fashion “sense.”

Here’s “The Zeppo,” which all the fanboys I know seem to LOVE. I thought — and still think — it was pretty good, but not quite on the LOVE level.

“The Zeppo”

I know you’re probably sick of my ragging on our Slayer’s occasional fashion mishaps, and so I feel the need to justify myself before I start picking on her this week. Fashion, you see, is a very important component to this show, at least as vital as more traditional storytelling devices such as plot and character. A pastel tank top, as they say, is worth a million words, and as a critic, I must take these things into consideration in order to provide you, the loyal reader, with the most fair, precise and well-rounded review as possible. That said…

Note to Buffy: stop crimping your hair.

OK, now onto those more traditional devices. There seem to be two schools of thought on this episode, which is told from the point of view of young Xander, sometimes seen as the “useless” member of the Scooby Gang. Some think this ep is rather brilliant, a sharp little satire of normal “Buffy” goings on. Others believe it to simply be poorly edited. My guess is it lies somewhere in between — a great, funny concept that’s not exploited quite as much as it should be.

Xander, you see, is feeling at his peak of loser-ness. All of his friends are “special” in some way — Slayer, witch, werewolf — and he is all left out and sent on such flunky-esque tasks as fetching donuts while everyone else gets to save the world. In the span of this episode, however, he hangs out with some dead guys, gets his groove on with Faith, and saves the school from being blown up. Naturally, there are some great moments to be had, largely because Xander is at his best when he’s completely pathetic. Sure, it was fun to see him attracting the amorous advances of both Cordelia and Willow, but his wisecracks are much better when he actually has something to be bitter about.

Anyway, there are some bits of brilliance leading up to the big finale, particularly Xander’s interrupting of a patented Buffy/Angel sob scene. The best stuff, though, is in the last 20 minutes. There’s some great intercutting between the carnage in the library (many slimy things popping out of the wall) and Xander’s own lesser (yet still life-threatening) adventure. The last scene in particular is an especially nice spoof of a “serious” final scene. There’s the overly portentous dialogue, the churchly music…and yet we still don’t know quite what happened except that Buff seems to have saved the world again — probably what poor Xander feels every week. Overall, I just wish the entire episode was as sharp as these final moments — they could have taken the entire concept just a bit further and ended up with a classic.

A nice in-between outing, though, and you gotta love Willow’s attempt at self-analysis: “Occasionally, I’m callous and strange.” Me too, Will, only without the “occasionally” part.

Back when Buffy ruled the not-quite-network airwaves, I posted episode reviews on my Diaryland. That’s right — DIARYLAND. Shut up. Now I’m posting some of them here so you can see how much Teenage Me 1) loved Oz and 2) hated Buffy’s fashion “sense.”

I’ve decided to post these in sort-of chronological order, even though there are some gaps in my collection. So here’s another season 3 outing — “Helpless.” Which, btw, is my FAVORITE.

“Helpless”

Basically, we know from the first time we see Giles acting fishy that this entire episode is going to hinge on a climactic, emotional scene between Watcher and Slayer. The question is, will we be reduced to sobbing hysterics, or will we merely wish for more ass-kickin’?

Hold on, I’ll get to that. But first, here’s what happens: Giles pretends to teach Buffy about crystals (and why on earth would she ever need to learn about crystals? Just asking…), but really, he’s giving her some drug that makes her lose her full Slayer strength. An interesting dilemma, this is, wouldn’t ya say? Suddenly, our Buff is but a regular ol’ teenage girl, and all of her insecurities come flaring up to the surface. My heart broke a billion times over when she murmured to Angel, “If I wasn’t the Slayer…why would you like me?” Cha-ching! Classic Teen Girl Dilemma hit squarely on the head, thank you very much. For all her mooning about on My So-Called Life, Angela Chase never said it so well, so simply, so succinctly.

But wait, I haven’t even gotten to the good stuff yet. So, turns out, Giles is slipping Buff the proverbial mickey in preparation for a test/rite of passage thingy that involves her being locked in a room with an uber-vampire who’s ready to rumble. Yeah, OK, whatever. Giles is not at all down with said test, and, after the vamp gets a bit out of control, he clues Buffy in. Here’s where it starts, people — break out the tissues. Giles confesses. Buffy gives him her teary, doe-eyed, wounded look. They fight. Finally she concludes, very quietly, “I don’t know you.” Boo hoo! The final nail, however, comes at the very end of the episode. Buffy has defeated the vamp through her own cunning, and the big Watcher dude (played by Harris Yulin of DS9 fame) has relieved Giles of his Watcher duties. “You have a father’s love for the child,” he says. Watch as I crumple into a pile on the floor, tears flowing as they have not since “Becoming.”

Overall, this is an excellent way to explore the Buffy/Giles dynamic, and the final execution is nothing short of heart-breaking. Anthony Stewart Head, somewhat neglected for many weeks now, turns in a quiet, painful performance. There’s also plenty of good randomness — Willow wears a series of brightly-colored hats for no apparent reason, Buff tells off the big Watcher dude with a simple “Bite me,” and Oz spouts such greatness as “Ice is cool. It’s water…but it’s not.”

Ah, tear-jerking drama coupled with stoner-esque wit — what more do you want?